


The End of Us: DeanCas

by Teemfr3_Cherryscone



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bedrooms, Break Up, Crying, Depressing, Depression, Hurt No Comfort, Love, M/M, Men Crying, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Sad, Sad Ending, Secrets, The Empty (Supernatural), Weak Castiel (Superantural), Weak Dean Winchester, the deal (supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22340383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teemfr3_Cherryscone/pseuds/Teemfr3_Cherryscone
Summary: Castiel finally confesses his deal with the Shadow to Dean, and how he managed to save Jack. Dean tries in vain to keep Castiel close to him, but they both know what will happen to Castiel if he stays...
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	The End of Us: DeanCas

**Author's Note:**

> It's driving me nuts how long it's taking for Dean and Sam to find out about Castiel's deal with the Empty. I wrote something terrible and sad, hoping it buffers the moment when all is revealed. Fic was written between episodes 9 and 10 in season 15.

Dean sits on his bed with his head in his hands. Castiel stands facing the wall, his face pale, shoulders drooping. Dean struggles to breathe. He can’t speak, doesn’t know what to think. He just looks up at Castiel’s back, waiting for him to fix everything. Make it not true.

“Dean..I didn’t have a choice.” Dean stands and moves towards Castiel. Feeling Dean’s sorrow wash over him, Castiel turns around to stop Dean with his hands, wincing at the warmth coming from his body.

In his earlier years wearing a human vessel, temperature had never affected him and Castiel would wonder at Dean and Sam’s reaction to a snowstorm or a heatwave, wishing he could understand how to help them and that he could sympathize. Now, in his weakened state, Castiel found himself seeking warmth and despising the wicked cold. Finding comfort and happiness, feeling warmth only when near Dean…

Castiel can’t look Dean in the eyes after what he just admitted, after what he’s finally confessed to the man he swore he’d never keep secrets from again. Dean raises his hands to cling at Castiel’s wrists. Cas tries to break away and Dean pulls him in, nuzzling into Castiel’s temple, trying desperately to express the words he’s now never allowed to speak to his true angel, to his heart and his life. He had missed so many opportunities in the past to be truly happy, and now it was too late. Castiel closes his eyes and winces at the feel of Dean’s love for him. He tries so hard to ignore it…

“Dean, please…I have to leave…I’m hurting you..” Dean’s grip tightens on Castiel’s wrists. He presses himself against Cas, pleading, begging him to stay.

“You promised me. You promised you’d never leave again…I won’t let you go..We’ll find a way. We have to…I have to…” Cas whimpers and presses his face into Dean’s neck and Dean leans against him. Weak, his knees give out and he falls to Cas’s feet. He clings to Castiel’s legs and Cas starts trembling, tears streaming down his face.

“Dean…I can’t stay…we can’t be anywhere near each other…” Dean looks up at Castiel and he’s crying.

“We don’t know what it is…what could do it. That your true happiness…you don’t know it has anything to do with me…” Castiel will carry this guilt with him for the rest of his life. The greatest pain Dean’s ever experienced has always been linked to his actions, his choices, good or bad…If he could get away from Dean, far away..

“It’s you….it’s always been you…” Cas sounds weak and afraid. He cries out and tries to stop by biting down hard on his lip.

“We…could still call each other” Dean finally lets go and Castiel backs away from him, sadly. “We could still talk…Would you answer me if I called?” Castiel backs into the wall, feeling truly evil and wrong. No option ended with either of them finding true happiness, together or alone. He shakes his head no and Dean just stares at him, not believing any of this is real.

“Dean. Once I leave…depending on how much time would pass between our calls…to hear your voice again…it could…” Castiel chokes on a sob and takes a deep breath. “Did you mean what you said, just now? The thing that you need most is for me to live? To die after you?”…Castiel finally allows himself to look at Dean Winchester, perhaps for the last time in his existence. Dean has never looked so defeated and weak. Never so heartbroken. There was so much pain in his heart, and it was Castiel’s doing. Dean nods, almost unwillingly, in answer.

“Yes…” Unwilling to let Castiel go, but at the same time wanting nothing more than to know he’d be safe from the Empty, from eternal darkness and dreamless sleep, for all eternity. “I won’t bury you again..I won’t hear of your death again, it would kill me…but Cas, please. I…I…” He’s afraid to say it out loud, afraid of what it might do. Castiel’s body sways sickly. If the wall weren’t there to hold him up…

“Then….I should go…” he shifts over to open the door and Dean reaches out for him, only to fall again…afraid to touch Castiel. He knows if he trapped Cas in his arms again, he’d never let him go. And then, he wouldn’t be able to hold back his words, couldn’t be held responsible for his actions..He breaks down sobbing and lays on the floor of his bedroom. Castiel stops once more, fighting himself, wanting so badly to turn around, to look at Dean one last time…

To be truly happy, what would be the cause of it? Weeks ago, his notions on the subject were out of the question. Dean would never hold him in bed, would never tell him that he loved him, kiss him on his lips…That was Castiel’s idea of true happiness, for a time. 

But now, their permanent separation inevitable, the sound of Dean’s voice, the very sight of him, just knowing he was near…hearing his voice over the phone….reading a message written by him….everything about their interaction was dangerous…It was better this way, to leave and to stop all communication. Better than deceiving Dean, tricking him into happiness and love only to stab him in the heart and die in front of him, again. As Dean lay crying on the floor, begging, Castiel leaves with his final words, cold and tortured, still facing away from Dean and determined never to set eyes on him again..

“I was never real. I’m not a person. I’m not worthy of you and I never will be. And now, maybe you can finally be free…Don’t feel anything for me or because of me……Forget me Dean.” 

And what will be the most torturous moment of Castiel’s life, he leaves the bunker and exits Dean’s life for the final time..

Dean howling on the floor. Screaming Castiel’s name. Even miles away, Castiel can still hear Dean praying, begging him to turn around. To come home. 

Castiel’s heart stings, his body aches with each step further away he takes from his only home…He’ll find a cave, an abandoned sanctuary…He’ll beat himself and cut himself to distraction… He’ll stop when he remembers the last promise he made to the love of his life, and pray for Dean’s happiness. He’ll pray for the day Dean forgets that Castiel ever existed…forgets his face, the sound of his voice..

Maybe then, Castiel thinks, he could finally stay dead…

-The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and sorry! <3


End file.
